do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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