My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
