instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
