my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
accomplished twins. life is a go
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize