Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
