Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
