god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
