I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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