Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
