Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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