i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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