The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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