I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
