he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
