I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
