I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
