I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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