She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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