I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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