Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
