You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
