I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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