the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
