Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
