dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
