The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
