Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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