the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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