I hate all girls vehemently.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
