Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
