her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
