You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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