Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
