So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
