I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
