Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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