This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
