I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
