tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
