Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
