His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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