I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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