i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
