does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
