News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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