Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
