see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
