i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im holly from the hills drunk
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you made out with another girl for some wings
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
