pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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