Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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