I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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