I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
