oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize