um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
