I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
