Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
