somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
