oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
