Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
