ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
