I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
