I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
