turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
