Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
