im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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