just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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