so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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