I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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