meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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