I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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