What did we do last night that was yellow?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
