Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
