Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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