When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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