Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
