Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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